The Edge of Control
by LetterWings
Summary: Control. That word is what defined me. It was the characteristic my colleagues and mentors liked about me. It was the part of me my husband hated. It was the part of me that made me a great doctor, and a less than stellar wife, but control was slipping away. Maybe I never had control, maybe all I ever had was just the illusion of its presence. Ellen's POV
1. Chapter 1

Control. That word is what defined me. It was the characteristic my colleagues and mentors liked about me. It was the part of me my husband hated. It was the part of me that made me a great doctor, and a less than stellar wife, but control was slipping away. Maybe I never had control; maybe all I ever had was just the illusion of its presence.

**The Edge of Control **

I heard my name being called the moment I stepped out of the shower. I pulled my gray sweatpants up in a hurry and put on my favorite black tank top. I looked in the mirror; the reflection was of a comfortable, capable woman. There was beauty there, not that it really mattered anymore. Brian hardly noticed me.

"Ellen!" I heard Brian yell.

"Coming!"

I took one last look in the mirror and added a little eyeliner before stepping out. I followed the sound of Brian's voice down the stairs and to the living room where he, Jake, and Morgan were sitting, awkwardly still.

"What is it?"

My question was answered the moment those words slipped from my mouth. Standing across from my family, four bodies dressed in black military gear stood with guns pointed to my family. The strangers' faces were covered by ski masks. Behind them, three large black duffel bags laid out on the floor.

The man closest to me shifted his hand and the gun that was previously pointed to Brian's head was now pointed directly at me.

I was suddenly aware of every tiny detail I might normally ignore. I felt the drops of water drip from my hair onto my shoulders and back. I heard the beating of my heart. Smelled the scent of Brian's cologne, the one I had almost stopped noticing in our routine. Noticed the deep blue in the eyes of the man whose weapon threatened my life. I kept my sight on his eyes and extended my shaking arms out slowly as I tried to walk toward my family.

"Dr. Sanders, no one needs to get hurt if you do as I say."

His voice was clear and harsh. The way a parent or teacher would talk to a troubled kid. I had always been a good kid, a good student, and, later in life, a great doctor. I wasn't used to being talked to in that tone. The few times it happened was when a colleague, usually a man, tried to push me around to prove their worth. It never went unnoticed and it was always certainly met with as much resistance as I felt now. As soon as the anger washed over me, the shaking stopped.

"Oh, God! Please!" I cried out. Tears began streaming down my face. I'm not sure if it was out of fear or just plain anger, probably a bit of both.

The man with the blue eye pulled off his mask and in unison the remaining three followed. Three men and a woman held us captive, one for each person in my family.

"Dr. Sanders, I need to speak to you in private," he said. I nodded my head in agreement.

"Come upstairs with me," he ordered.

"Mom, no!" Jake and Morgan pleaded.

Brian stood up and grabbed my arm.

"No! You're not taking my wife!"

The man with the blue eyes walked over to us and grabbed Brian's hand off of me and pushed him back on the couch. I kept reassuring everyone that I was all right even if I didn't believe it. He, the man I assume to be the leader, put his gun back in his holster, put one hand around my arm and the other gently laid on my back and led me to the stairs. I heard Brian scream a loud "no." I turned to watch as Brian grabbed the glass vase from the coffee table and throw it toward the leader's head. The man with the blue eyes grabbed me quickly and pushed me to the wall across the staircase. The vase flew past where he and I had stood a moment ago and smashed against the kitchen island before shards of glass fell to the ground.

The bald man punched Brian and I heard myself scream his name. I didn't realize the leader was holding me until I tried to run toward Brian and felt the weight of his body stopping mine. I looked at him, I mean really looked at him for the first time. Looked at the gentleness in his gaze, the lines on his face, the sharp edges of his bone structure, the scruff around his mouth, and the softness of his lips. How could this man be doing this? Everything about his face felt reassuring and calming but his actions and his words were threatening and menacing.

"He's fine, Ellen."

It was the first time he'd said my name and he had said it with such a familiarity that I would have guessed he'd known me all his life.

"Come upstairs," he looked down at my bare feet, then back at my face and added, "and watch your step."

He moved aside but kept one hand on my arm as we walked up the stairs and to my bedroom. When he ordered me to sit down all I wanted to do remain standing just to spite him. My family, however, couldn't afford acts of rebellion from me, or Brian, so I sat down across from him. He leaned in close to me, so close I could feel his breath on my face.

"This is about the President, isn't it? You want, what? To kill him?"

The muscles around his mouth moved slightly and the faintest hint of a smile appeared and disappeared just as quickly.

"You're a smart woman, Ellen. In three days time you are going to help me kill the President."

"I can't do that!" I said.

He extended his arm and placed his hand over mine.

"You can and you will," he said as he gently squeezed my hand to reassure me, or perhaps to comfort me. I'm not sure which. "Less than thirty minutes prior to surgery you need to inject the President with this." He showed me a small vial of clear liquid.

"What is it?"

"It's TTX, it's a…"

"Tetrodotoxin, a neurotoxin that slows down the heart to the point that a patient appears dead. I know what it is."

"Of course," he said gently. "I apologize, I didn't intend to patronize you."

"You realize that this amount won't kill the President. This will just make it appear like he's dead but it'll wear off."

"Yes. If you administer this during the right time frame, the President will flatline soon after you open him up. It'll look like a regular unforeseen complication. As soon as the monitor flatlines the Secret Service agent in the OR will clear the room. You'll have five to seven minutes to extract bone marrow from the President."

"Bone Marrow?! What is this? What do you want with his bone marrow?" I pulled my hand out from under his.

"That is none of your concern, Ellen. All you need to know is that if you follow my directions you and your family will be free. Do you understand that?" he asked. His voice was firm now, much more determined.

I nodded my head and wiped the tears that had formed so suddenly. His hand, the one that held my hand a moment earlier and was now resting on my knee moved to pull out another vial from his pocket.

"Good. Once you're done extracting the bone marrow you will inject this vial of Potassium Chloride into his IV and he will be dead." Each of his hands had a vial, one clear and the other a milky white color.

"The surgery is scheduled for Monday. What are you going to do with us until then?" I asked.

"You will continue to go about your days as usual. You'll go to work when you have to and you'll be back here when you don't. Your kids and your husband will be here, in my custody, until then. They're my insurance policy. I know you, Ellen. I know you wouldn't do anything to jeopardize their well-being."

"You'll never get away with this. You can't do this." I tried to control my voice, tried to rid myself of any sign of fear my facial expressions or voice might betray. He didn't answer or move. He just looked straight into my eyes. His face was expressionless, a perfect poker face.

"I already have. I have you. I have your family. The plan is in motion."

He stood up, opened the door, and motioned for me to follow. We walked down to the living room where Morgan, Jake, and Brian were setting up each couch to sleep in it. I ran to the kids and held them tight.

* * *

><p>The morning sunlight slipped through the cracks in the blinds to warm my face. The longest, sleepless night had finally turned to morning. Morgan, Jake, and Brian appeared to be sleeping, finally. Although I hadn't slept, I remained completely still the entire night for fear that the slightest move could upset the men watching over us. The tall, bald man had watched us the first half of the night until the short-haired man with a beard took over. The woman had spent most of her time installing cameras and moving back and forth between the living room and the den.<p>

At six am the house was almost completely silent except for the faint sounds of the leader's voice coming from afar. I couldn't make out anything he was saying. I sat up to find the man watching over us had dozed off in the chair. I tried to be as weightless as possible when I stood up. I tiptoed from the living room, past the staircase, down the kitchen and to the hallway. The leader was on the phone in the den with the door cracked open. I knew he was pacing back and forth by the way his voice drew nearer and then farther away every few seconds.

"I know but I can't get away for a while. Yes, everything is going according to plan. Did you talk to Dr. Hunter?"

The pacing suddenly stopped.

"Okay, alright. Tell Sawyer…tell her I'll see her real soon and that I love her."

The house was silent again. I walked back slowly hoping to make my way to my spot in the living room before the bearded man noticed I was gone. I was close to the kitchen when I heard a loud noise that startled me. I ran straight to the refrigerator and grabbed the milk.

"What's going on, where did you go?" The bearded man asked.

"What is it?" the leader asked as he walked into the kitchen from the hallway.

"Dr. Sanders was gone when I woke up," the bearded man explained.

"I just wanted to get some food. I was hungry, that's all."

Both men stood still and silent, looking at each other and then at me. Blue eyes walked toward me and I took a step back.

"You're bleeding," he said.

"What?"

"Your feet."

I looked down at my bare feet; a small trail of blood followed them.

"I must have stepped in some glass. I didn't even feel a thing. I'm sorry, I'll clean it up."

He pulled out a chair for me and motioned that I sit down. He quietly examined both my feet before asking the other man to bring him alcohol, tweezers, and bandages.

"I can do that," I told him. He just looked up at me and then went on to ignore me. As soon as he had the supplies, he began cleaning the wounds, pulling out the glass, and bandaging my feet, all of this done in complete silence.

"I need to go to the hospital today," I said, finally breaking the silence. He seemed to know a lot about me. I wondered if he could tell when I lied as well. "There's some paperwork I need to do before Monday."

"That's fine. Okay, you're all done," he said as he finished the last bandage.

"Thank you."


	2. Chapter 2

"Ellen, you can't go through with this," Brian whispered.

I splashed my face with cold water and looked at my reflection in the mirror. Based on what I noticed, the bathrooms were the only rooms in the house without cameras. After the leader bandaged my feet, he forced me to implant tracking devices on my family. Only I was sparred from having my own personal GPS implanted on my body.

Claiming I felt sick after the incident, I was allowed to come upstairs to my bedroom with Brian. The bald man followed us up the stairs and now stood guard outside our bedroom while Brian and I went into the bathroom, leaving the door only half opened.

"What do you want me to do, Brian? They're threatening to kill us all if I don't go through with it," I answered.

"You're going to the hospital, right?"

I nodded.

"You said the Secret Service left an agent there to monitor security, right?"

I turned to face him as I realized what he was going to ask. I shook my head without even realizing it.

"Ellen, you have to talk to him. It's our only chance," Brian pleaded.

"I can't do that. They're holding you and kids hostage. What do you think will happen when they notice the Secret Service coming? I can't risk it," I answered.

"I'll protect the kids," Brian reassured. "Trust me."

Brian pulled me into his embrace. It had been a long time since he had held me like this. The stress of work and everyday life had created a distance between us. It was hard to pinpoint when it first began, I only noticed it when it had grown so big that I could almost see the wall between us when we were in a room together. Our conversations were short and stiff. My efforts to be closer to him were met with his indifference. We hardly had sex anymore and when we did it was robotic and routine. Now, in his arms, all I wanted to do was ask if he still loved me but I wouldn't, I couldn't. Something deep inside stopped me.

"Everything alright in there?"

The bald man had entered the bedroom and now stood outside the bathroom door. I could see him standing there, holding his gun, as he pushed open the bathroom door. I wiped away the few tears that had escaped while I wondered about my husband. I told the bald man I was fine but he seemed suspicious.

"We need you downstairs, Dr. Sanders," he ordered.

"Yes, I'll be right down. I just need to get dressed."

I stepped out of the bathroom and walked to the closet, choosing my purple dress and black heels. Brian and the bald man stepped out to give me some privacy. Although I hadn't noticed when I stepped in glass earlier in the morning, I could feel the sting of the cuts now as I placed my shoes over the bandages the leader had fixed for me. I quickly did my make-up and fixed my hair a bit before heading downstairs.

* * *

><p>"Dr. Sanders, it's important that you understand that our fates are intertwined now. We're in this together. I've cloned your phone and added a tracking device to your car. Even when you can't see me, I'll be there. I've also added my cellphone number to your speed dial, in case you need to contact me," the leader explained as he handed me my phone and keys.<p>

I scoffed at his last remark, wondering why on earth I would want to contact him. I didn't mean to scoff so loudly; it was just a natural response. He didn't seem amused.

"I'm sorry," I said.

"Just remember, we're in this together. Two more days and you and your family are free."

* * *

><p>I walked through the doors of the hospital and greeted everyone as usual, until I found the Secret Service Agent that had been assigned to the hospital's security.<p>

"Good morning, Dr. Sanders," he greeted.

"I need to talk to you," I said.

"Absolutely, Dr. Sanders," he responded.

"Privately," I added.

We walked to my office in my silence. I wondered how I would start this ridiculously impossible story. Once we were safely inside my office, he just stared at me expectantly, waiting for me to say something.

"Last night, three men and a woman broke into my house. They're holding my family hostage, treating to kill all of them if I don't kill the President during surgery on Monday," I started. His expression hardly changed as I continued my story and pleaded for his help.

"Dr. Sanders, this is a very serious matter. Don't worry, I'll take care of it," he said as he pulled out his phone and began dialing a number.

"You have to get my family out of there, if they see you coming he'll kill them all. I'm certain of it."

The agent motioned me to stay quiet as someone on the other end answered.

"Hello… Yes. I'm standing here with Dr. Sanders."

I felt a sense of relief at the thought that this nightmare might be over and an overwhelming fear at the idea that my family might get hurt.

"She tells me that her family has been taken hostage. The hostages are demanding that she kill the President during surgery… Yes, I know… Yes… Okay, I understand."

He put the phone down for a second and looked at me before adding: "Dr. Sanders, he wants to speak to you."

I took the phone from his hand.

"Hello?"

"_Ellen. I'm very disappointed in you,_" the man on the other end said.

"Oh God! No! Please!"

"_I told you, Ellen, even when you can't see me, I'm there."_

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!"

"_Every time you take a breath, I'm there. Every person you talk to, I'm listening. I'm your shadow, Ellen. Do you understand?"_

"Yes, I understand," I cried.

"_Now, give the phone back to Logan," _he ordered.

I handed the phone to the agent, my hands now violently shaking. I felt my knees tremble. Unsure that I could successfully remain standing, I took a seat, covered my face, and cried. I hated him; hated how he made me feel.

The agent, Logan, spoke to the leader for a brief time but I couldn't make out anything. All I could think about was my family and what this might cost me.

"Dr. Sanders, you are to calm down and head back to your home as soon as possible. It's important that when you leave, you don't appear upset. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

Logan left and I remained seated for a bit longer. I regained my composure, grabbed my compact mirror from the purse, and made sure I looked fine. I thought back to the morning conversation the leader had. He had mentioned a Dr. Hunter. He had said he would see her soon, Sawyer. I couldn't be sure but my gut told me that Dr. Hunter had to be local. I stood up with the intent of using my computer to look up the doctor until I realized how far his reach went. He had the Secret Service on his side. He had cloned my phone and added a tracker to my car. I had to play it smart.

I emptied my pockets, leaving behind my phone, keys, and purse. All I had on me were the clothes I was wearing, my white coat, and my hospital ID. Normally, I was stationed in the fifth floor: my office was on this floor, my surgeries took place on this floor, and my daily dealings all happened on this floor.

I left my office and walked down to the second floor. Back when I had first started, before I was a big name, I had been stationed there. I took the stairs down to the second floor and headed to the reception desk.

"Ellen, hi!" The woman behind the desk said to me with a smile.

"Hello Gina, how are you?"

"I'm doing great. It's so nice to see you. I've been meaning to find you and congratulate you. I can't believe you're going to operate on the President," she said.

"Thank you, Gina."

"What brings you down here?"

"I need a bit of a favor. I've got a new patient, she's very sick and there are a lot of lapses in her medical file. She was seeing a doctor before me, a Dr. Hunter, but that's all I know. I was wondering if you might be able to look up oncologists specializing in Leukemia? I'm looking for one in particular by the name of Hunter, most likely within a 50 mile radius."

"Sure, Ellen. Anything for you, I can email you the results," Gina responded.

"Actually, Gina, this is a very sensitive issue. Would you mind just printing out the results and holding them for me?"

"Not a problem."

"I'll pick them up later today or tomorrow. Thank you, Gina."

As I walked away from Gina, it occurred to me that my captors might have set up a surveillance system in my office. Just in case, I headed to the coffee cart on the second floor. This way I would have another reasonable excuse to be on this floor and if I were being watched it would appear like I left my office to get some coffee. I tried not to look around too much when I got back to my office in case he was watching me. Nevertheless, I didn't stay very long. After a few minutes I grabbed my things and headed back home, unsure of what I might find.

* * *

><p>The house was eerily quiet when I arrived. I called out for my family but no one answered. I felt my heart beat faster as I went through each room to find them all empty. When I came back downstairs he was waiting for me, sitting by the dining table.<p>

"Where's my family? What have you done to them?" I asked. My mind felt overwhelmed by all the possibilities.

"They're fine, for now…please, sit down."

He motioned toward a chair. I did as instructed and sat directly across from him. He remained silent for a bit, probably to frighten me more.

"I told you we are in this together. That stunt you pulled today put us both in danger," he scolded.

"If we are in this together, as you say, then tell me why don't I know your name," I answered. "It seems to me like you hold all the cards here. That's not what together implies."

"Duncan," he said matter-of-factly.

"Duncan? Duncan what?" I pushed.

"Duncan, and that's enough," he answered.

"Why did you decide to hold us hostage for three days?"

That question had been bothering me all night. Three days seemed like a long time to me. So much could go wrong on both ends. It seemed like an unnecessary risk.

"I anticipated some resistance from you. What you did today, for example, didn't come as much of a surprise. I needed you to know that I am in control. Every possible scenario you can think of to get away from this, I've already figured out. Three days gave me the right amount of time to prove that to you without jeopardizing the mission."

"Why are you doing this? What do you get out of all this?"

"That's enough questions, Ellen. You put me in a very precarious situation here. You disobeyed me and I have to respond." His hand, resting on the table, began tapping its fingers lightly.

"Please don't hurt my family!" I begged and pleaded, grabbing his hand with both of mine. I caught a fleeting glimpse of surprise in his eyes but his face remained still and stoic. I pulled his hand toward me and continued to plead for my family. If I at all moved him, he did not show it.

Instead, he pulled his hand from under mine, grabbed my arm, and nearly dragged me down to the basement where Brian, Jake, and Morgan stood on their knees, gagged, and blindfolded. I looked around the basement, the nameless three stood behind us. The walls of the basement were padded with something I had never seen before.

"No one can hear you here," Duncan announced.

I assumed, then, that his team had soundproofed the basement. Fear crept over me as I wondered why they would want to do that. As an attending, I almost exclusively dealt with natural illness but back when I was just an intern I had been privy to the terrible things people were capable of doing to each other. I tried to block out the dark images. I tried to remind myself that no matter how much they threatened they still needed me; he needed me.

"Choose," he coldly ordered.

The words that came out of my mouth were incomprehensible. It all sounded like screams instead of words.

"Should I shoot Morgan? Do you know she's been sneaking around with her boyfriend for months now? But, no, she's pregnant. Can't do that. That would just be cruel. What about Jake, your drug-dealing son? Should I shoot him?"

I could hardly make sense of anything. The secrets Duncan revealed stung me and yet, with their lives at stake, it mattered very little. I wasn't angry at their lies. I was just afraid for their lives. Somewhere, during those harsh revelations, I felt a moment of clarity, a moment where in all the chaos something made sense: he wanted to break me, to control me.

"Maybe I should just kill Brian. Did you know that he's been sleeping with his assistant for months now? Did you know that he has a standing appointment every Tuesday evening with his mistress? What do you think, Ellen? Is he the right target?"

He let me go and I fell to the ground. I watched him as he pulled the trigger. The noise was deafening. I covered my ears and screamed. I didn't want to look at them. I was afraid that if I did, I would see one of them lying lifeless on the floor. I forced myself to open my eyes and turn toward them. They were all crying and shaking but they were all alive and at least physically unharmed.

I felt the muscles in my stomach and throat contract violently and painfully. I grabbed a nearby bucket and expelled the little I had to eat that day. From the corner of my eye I watched as Duncan and the rest of his crew walked past me and up the stairs. I heard the door close and I knew they had finally left us. I crawled over to the kids once the heaving stopped. I untied Morgan's hands and took off her blindfold while she removed the gag around her mouth. I tried to reassure them, speaking softly and kindly to them. While I untied Jake, Morgan released Brian. I held Jake and watched Brian and Morgan.

Brian held Morgan with one hand and gently caressed her head with the other, but his eyes were fixed on me. His secret was out. I could tell, even in the moment when his life was at stake, Brian was worried about his image. It wasn't that he was superficial; it was something far more basic and human than that. I suppose that, like me, he felt his version of himself come undone. The adoring husband, the patient and present father, the successful businessman, that was the image that he had worked on for nearly twenty years. It was the version that I, and the rest of our family, took at face value. For months I had felt him withdraw, I had felt the walls between us grow stronger and thicker. What stopped me from bringing it to his attention? What stopped me from bringing it to light? I could say that I didn't want to question that image he had worked on for so long, and in fairness that would be slightly true. The truth behind that small truth was that I was afraid of knocking down my own version of myself. Duncan had done that for us and now we stood naked. My husband's infidelity. My son's criminal rebelliousness. My daughter's secret pregnancy. Duncan hadn't just revealed their secrets because in doing so he had revealed mine: I had lost control.

Brian's eyes seemed to be pleading for something: forgiveness, maybe? Or perhaps they were just looking for answers, wondering where we would go from here.

I couldn't help him. I had no answers. I had no anger or forgiveness, just confusion. As I sat there holding Jake and watching Brian holding Morgan I realized that I wasn't even sure what I felt. Despair, or relief?


End file.
